contemplando agua

Summer seems to have arrived. Nevermind that we had heavy snow on Sunday. The days are long and warm, the kids are out of school, and I find myself laying in bed listening to NPR well beyond the time I normally have to get up.

Now comes a big test. Getting married. Katie and I have been working towards this for almost six years. Now it is list upon list of details to be sorted. I've heard a lot of people talk about how stressful and negative the time leading up to wedding day can be. We are a month and a half out right now and haven't had much tension. It's fun being a little older and knowing that a lot of the traditions are not for us. Takes a load off.

I keep getting more excited about the friends, family, and celebration of Love. The details will get sorted - or not - and life will roll on. It's going to be a gathering of characters worthy of a celebration. Not just Katie and I, but the meeting of our families, friends, and generations of friendship. The idea of adding another family to the mix is humbling and beautiful.

Monday morning I leave for New England. I have a week of hanging out with my peeps, brother, sister, neices, nephew, friends, and the land and sea that helped shape who I am today. Low on cash, high on enthusiasm. Katie will fly in to Providence on Friday. Jimmy, Maury, Josie and I will pick her up and head to western MA for Ben and Alli's wedding, then drive to New York to hang out with Nathan and Jipala at their house before returning to CT. "All in about an hour and a half" according to Katie's brother Bill, who lives in Fairbanks, AK.

Before Katie and I started seeing each other I would refer to her as Fairbanks. New England and Alaska, Taurus and Leo, Man and Woman...adventure awaits.

Class of 2005

Often times I find myself trying to remember what I was like as a high school student. Relaying that information to the kids I teach and interact with is pointless. One thing I remember clearly from my teens is rolling my eyes in discust/bordom when someone would say "when I was your age..." What I'm looking for is a borometer that helps me guage how I would have felt about having a teacher or coach who acts like I do when I was a kid. I wonder which kids I would have been closest friends with and which teachers I would have steeered clear of at any cost. Sometimes I think this exercise keeps me grounded in reality because I remember very clearly hating to be told what to do, and now I am demanding certain behavior from kids all day. Would I have hated to have myself in charge, or been glad to have an adult to relate to? It dawned on me recently that the adults I really respected were parents. A goal of mine as an educator has been to be effective and consistent, but still able to relate. Finishing my fourth year at the Academy has me thinking more about the impact I have as a teacher/coach and where I found inspiration as a student. It is a strange place to live, intellectually. Simultaniously educating and thinking about how I would constantly tear my educators apart. Maybe this will be an effective exercise to make me better at what I do.

Today the CBA class of 2005 graduated. The past month has been emotionally draining. Fear that a couple of kids might not make it because of behavior and/or grades really took a toll on me. Additionally there was the major video project that my three classes had been working on which needed to be brought from three independent projects into a single one. I have been verbalizing my feelings to friends and family and hearing more and more stories about the same drain with many educators. I remember feeling confused when I graduated, like it wasn't real. Kids and teachers have a simbiotic relationship that is dynamic and complex. As tired as I am, I know the kids went through an equal amount of stress. Now they are free to move on. Now I go from feeling stressed and tired to depressed about the loss of energy infused into each day I work with youth. I am grateful for a meaningful vocation.

My feelings are mirrored by the weather. I am glad to be done with school but sad to lose the constant interaction. The valley is ready for spring, and there are flowers and receding snow lines to prove it, but it keeps snowing. Yesterday Katie and I went for a twenty-five minute run and were hit with wind, rain, sleet, sunshine, and a beautiful rainbow. When I awoke (not by choice) to let Cooper (our cat) out at 2:30 am the snow was falling steadily. Currently the sun is shining and it's in the mid 50s. Nature and emotions share a simbiotic relationship that is dynamic and complex.

School's out for summer. There is a collective sigh of relief tinged with sorrow that we can't go back. So, forward it is.