What does it mean to be tired?

I mean really, really tired. Ellen MacArthur must have been drawn mighty thin after sailing around the world in 71 and a half days - alone. Just finished reading Generation Kill, about Recon Marines invading Iraq. Those dudes were awake for days at a time, which would drain most mortals in itself, but they were also being attacked and being shuffled around by seemingly clueless and reckless leaders. There is a tired that dictates you need sleep every day to operate your biological machinery. There is another tired that shut eye doesn't really touch on.

Being emotionally tired is a weight that is very difficult to lift. I feel for parents who have the moral commitment to raise children in a responsible way. Businesses that run ethically responsible practices have my respect as well. I am a teacher and coach who can leave the kids behind at the end of each day - save for when we are on the road. A combination of responsibility towards the staff and the kids has had me pretty whooped as of late. In an effort to bring my best to the table I have taken on some IT responsibilities. Basically, I have become the point person for the website, then, by default, taken responsibility for the whole network at the school. The responsibility would be easier to swallow if I knew more about the IT world. Unfortunately, what I know is how to be critical and identify what we need - not how to get there. So I pushed to hire a bright local crew to take over the maintenance and hosting of our network and site. With this done, I was excited to be moving into a new realm of technology at the school. The reality, however, is that there is never an easy fix to a complex problem. More money, more time, more layers of issues that need to be identified and resolved. So staff comes to me with their problems and I am trying to give them straight answers that I don't have. The new crew that is in place to work on our system constantly promise "tonight" or "in a couple hours," but have not delivered. The pull between staff needs and trying to prod the tech guys to get it done has added a weight I have not expected. Taking on this workload is a good reminder that strength of will and commitment are paramount to seeing things through.

Back to the parents. Trying to keep a kid from getting involved in drugs or alcohol is something nearly every family will have to deal with. Having seen kids suspended, and expelled for getting involved in these activities this year and in the previous years here has been another vacuum of emotion. I don't know how much greater the pressure to be part of the crowd is today, but I have been watching kids fold to it for years. I try to tell myself every year that some of the kids will identify the fact that they have an advantage and opportunity that 99% of the kids in this country do not - they get to ski and snowboard six days a week and travel all over the country to do what they love. It's this advantage that I think will be a lever for getting the best behavior from the kids, but inevitably fails every year. Its tiring. For this reason I am ever respectful of the parents who never back away from their responsibility to raise their children well. It's also from the parents commitment that I draw strength when I feel the wave of emotional strain coming over me.

Imagine being a parent with a kid in the Marines. Incompetant commands coming from the security of the whitehouse straight down through the ranks to the grunts trying to keep their weapons from jamming in the field. Some days I may be tired, but I know that it is just a yawn compared to the weight of a parent with children who are on the verge of danger - because of their decisions or others around them. Keeping that in perspective is a weight I can carry indefinitely.